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Sad and Guilty

My Husband and I first got Gypsy when we moved in together 9 years ago. She was a much loved member of our family. Gypsy was a black border collie / kelpie with beautiful eyes that seemed to look into your soul.  About 2 years later, we got a second dog Phoenix and they were the best of friends, always running around the yard together and running for the ball or the frisbie.

Gypsy was such a faithful and loyal dog with a really lovely personality. When you were sad, she would sense it and she would come up to you and place her head on your lap with her ears pinned back. She was a real gem.

On my way home from the supermarket a few weeks ago, I drove into the driveway as usual and like always, the dogs were jumping at the car. They ran around the back and the next thing I felt was a bump and then I heard Gypsy yelp. I jumped out of the car and screamed. I had run her over by accident. We took her to the vet and she stayed overnight for x-rays and tests. She had a broken pelvis. We were told she would likely recover on her own provided she was confined for 6 to 8 weeks. They gave us painkillers and we took her home. We looked after her for the first week and she seemed to be improving. Phoenix would not go anywhere near her for the whole time. When we went back for the check up, they reduced the pain medication as she seemed to be improving. Over the next week, I noticed a sore that staretd to develop. Fur had fallen out in the region of the sore. I thought it was a bed sore from sleeping on one spot too long. However, at the next check up, they advised that it was actually the bone growing in the wrong direction and that it was causing her a lot of pain. We were told surgey was no longer a possibility and that it would not improve, nor would she be able to walk again.

Given the options, we had to put her down that same afternoon. When we took her to the vet and throughout that whole day, Phoenix would not come near her. He would not even come inside the house. It was really sad that they had spent so long togther, joined at the hip, and then to leave with her not even being able to give Phoenix a proper goodbye. AFter she was put down, we buried her in our yard.

Since it all happened, I have cried everyday. I have cried because I miss her so much. She was my best friend. I have also cried because I feel so guilty. I killed my best friend. She was 9 years old but she was perfectly healthy until that fateful accident. I keep re-living that moment in my mind again and again and I wish with all my heart I could take it back. I will never forgive myself but I know I need to move on. I also feel really guilty because we had her put down at the vet (in the back of our car). I wish I had thought it through and had her put down on our property as it would have been far more peaceful for her.

We all miss Gypsy so much, even my 2 year old son who wandered into the laundry later that afternoon (where we had been confining her) only to find her gone. Phoenix is so depressed and lonely. He hasnt been eating properly and he's just not himself. And my Husband is so upset about it. I know there is a big part of him that blames me because I am to blame but he has supported me and we have grieved together.

We had Gypsy for all of our relationship and now, I feel so empty in my heart. I feel like I have lost my best friend and a really integral part of our family. I just wish that she could have lived for a few more years and that I did not have to live with this horrible guilt over what happened. She had so much time left in her. I hate that I have done this to her and that I have caused my whole family such pain. She was such a good dog and she did not deserve to leave this world in that way.

  • Avatar-100
    Author GYPSY09 Member since Aug 08, 2013

Post Comments

    • MargOZ
      MargOZ     Posted on Aug 23, 2013

      So sad reading your story.  Please don't blame yourself. Unfortunately painful things happen that we can't change.  I have just read a sad but uplifting book called 'Animals in Spirit' by Penelope Smith that talks about animals that pass over and what they feel and go through.  It really helped me when I lost my beautiful cat. I worried that I rushed putting her to sleep and would give anything to have that time back again but know that I can't, and that it was the right time to let her go whether I wanted to or not.

      Remember that Gypsy is watching over you now and would be sad to think you were being so hard on yourself.  Thinking of you all xoxo

    • Scott
      Scott     Posted on Aug 08, 2013

      I feel for loss and certainly understand that you feel guilty.. Please think of the good times you had with Gypsy....

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